Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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