Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize