No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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