yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
