I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
