My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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