you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
