Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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