fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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