Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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