Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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