if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
