We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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