I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
