I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
