Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She's the barista slut.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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