dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
