I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
