Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
