This is not my ceiling
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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