Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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