girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
