remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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