cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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