my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
