why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
