sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
