It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
