Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
