How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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