i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
