yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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