when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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