Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
