FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
