it wasn't lemon gatorade
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
