i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize