Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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