just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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