Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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