Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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