She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
