sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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