Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
