i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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