The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
