Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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