so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
