FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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