my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
