Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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