im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
