I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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