god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
