IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
