just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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