Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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