I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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