i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
