I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
