someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
