So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
