she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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