I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Terrible idea I love it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
