The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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