____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
