Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
