you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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