Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize