DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize