My room smells like vodka and shame
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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