Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
