): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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