I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
