In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
