Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
