I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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