You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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