I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
