OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
