Where is the hickey?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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