Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
